Twelve years late

24 June, 2010

I am eight feet tall with giant strides* that reverberate around the room like thunder. Doors fear me and whisk out of sight at my approach**. HEV suits wrap themselves immediately around my massive frame as I storm through. Raaaa! I am invincible! Is this what testosterone feels like?!

The pixels! Look at all the pixels!

I was supposed to listen to this woman, but I was too busy stomping up and down making a loud noise.

As part of the latest Cultural Exchange, I have finally gotten around to playing Half-Life. So far I have learned that:

  • In the future, we use holographic videos recorded by armoured ladies to convey short messages to our colleagues. Real Men don’t write memos.
  • In the future, if we wish to view the floor, we rotate about our heads in order to get our feet out of the way.
  • In the future, research is conducted by standing around in corridors refusing to talk to anyone.

* If, in real life, you are 5’4″ with a tendency to amble everywhere, this is quite disconcerting.

** unlike Iarnród Éireann‘s carriage doors, which stay closed until they detect that you have assumed them to be manual or broken and reached for the door handle. Then they slowly and sarcastically slide aside, mocking you.



  1. 12 years late, but if Valve can get stuck in “Valve Time”, so can you 😉

    Also, please proceed directly onto Half Life 2*, trust me, its worth it.

    *And then Episode 1**

    **And then Episode 2

    Perhaps you can finish them all before Episode 3 comes out in the Christmas of 2007 🙂

  2. http://xkcd.com/606/

    That is all.

  3. FX – Ears pricking up.

    What’s that about valves….?

  4. I haven’t finished HL1 yet either, or Deus Ex *holds head in shame*

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