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Mission impossible

15 October, 2011

“There must be hundreds of shoe shops in Dublin!” my mum wails. “What do you mean, you couldn’t find any boots?”

Shopping for boots is a bit like losing at Guess Who. Let’s say I walk into a shop with a large selection of boots, thus:

A strange shop, granted...

Off we go!

Now, I want some brown boots…

Ok, some of these look all right.

Might still be ok.

… that are stompy, not high heeled

Still, I may yet walk out of this shop with a pair of boots.

Not looking so good any more.

… and in my size…

No, I do not want the black ones instead, thanks you.

Losing hope.

… and that fit…

I actually have a severe deformity of the feet, known as 'having ankle bones'.

Oh God.

…and that are not awful*.

What is wrong with me? :'(

I can't do it.

Why is this too much to ask for? Must I wear these black, high-heeled, ill-fitting, hideous things? Where does everyone else get their boots? We didn’t even get as far the other criteria like “are they relatively waterproof“, “can I afford them” and “will they fall apart as soon as I step out of the shop”.

I put my trainers back on and trudge to the next shoeshop.

Fine. I will learn to make my own boots, dammit.

Aaargh.

I give up. I go home.

Help me out here. What am I doing wrong?


* I rather like snakes and do not wish to give the impression that I have taken one apart and wrapped its sorry remains around my ankles. As for Ugg boots… just say no.

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