All things bright and beautiful

21 April, 2012

Househunting in Dublin is a miserable experience. You set up your search, and every day a slew of new (or at least newly posted) properties arrives in your inbox. You dutifully look through each one: the incompetently pixellated, the desperately punctuated, the inexplicably chirpy. Not one of them is big enough for a dome.

Advertising your property is best left to the professionals. Oh, wait...

I was hoping for somewhere... higher-res?

However, take heart: the process can be optimised! All you have to do is check the first adjective in the description. With this handy guide, you can eliminate 99% of the properties at a glance!

Rental Properties Description Translation Guide:

  • Bright: Tiny.
  • Beautiful: Tiny.
  • Charming: Really tiny.
  • Cosy: Really tiny, but with a fireplace.
  • Stunning: Tiny, but with wooden floors.
  • Modern: Tiny, but we bought some furniture from IKEA.
  • Spacious: There are lots of rooms. (The rooms are all tiny.)
  • Large: You could probably fit two sofas in front of the telly.
  • Self-contained: Miserable. And tiny.
  • Open plan: The bed is in the kitchen.
  • Stylish: There are strange lampshades on all the lights.
  • Newly renovated: We painted it white.
  • Clean: This is the best thing about this apartment. You don’t want to know what it was like before we cleaned it.

The magic word, by the way, is basement.


One comment

  1. […] Basement #2 has even more space*. It has plants. It has Architecture. It’s in a nicer area, and is owned by a well-to-do landlady who is politely baffled by us already. […]

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