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All things bright and beautiful

21 April, 2012

Househunting in Dublin is a miserable experience. You set up your search, and every day a slew of new (or at least newly posted) properties arrives in your inbox. You dutifully look through each one: the incompetently pixellated, the desperately punctuated, the inexplicably chirpy. Not one of them is big enough for a dome.

Advertising your property is best left to the professionals. Oh, wait...

I was hoping for somewhere... higher-res?

However, take heart: the process can be optimised! All you have to do is check the first adjective in the description. With this handy guide, you can eliminate 99% of the properties at a glance!

Rental Properties Description Translation Guide:

  • Bright: Tiny.
  • Beautiful: Tiny.
  • Charming: Really tiny.
  • Cosy: Really tiny, but with a fireplace.
  • Stunning: Tiny, but with wooden floors.
  • Modern: Tiny, but we bought some furniture from IKEA.
  • Spacious: There are lots of rooms. (The rooms are all tiny.)
  • Large: You could probably fit two sofas in front of the telly.
  • Self-contained: Miserable. And tiny.
  • Open plan: The bed is in the kitchen.
  • Stylish: There are strange lampshades on all the lights.
  • Newly renovated: We painted it white.
  • Clean: This is the best thing about this apartment. You don’t want to know what it was like before we cleaned it.

The magic word, by the way, is basement.

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One comment

  1. […] Basement #2 has even more space*. It has plants. It has Architecture. It’s in a nicer area, and is owned by a well-to-do landlady who is politely baffled by us already. […]



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